Tips For Healing Part 3

1-hr

Continue with the worksheet: Not So Scary 15 Minute Solution of Step 10 . We have covered tips for the first 5 questions in Election Reaction and 15 Minute Solution and Tips For Healing Part 1, and Tips For Healing Part 2

Question 6: Which of my character weaknesses is involved in this situation?

Choose from the following:

  • Selfish
  • Dishonest
  • Self-Seeking and Fearful
  • Inconsiderate

Using the election drama as my example, I find that I was mostly fearful. It follows that If I was afraid things were going to get drastically worse for me, then I probably was essentially self-seeking also. It’s ok to group the two of those weaknesses together because usually, they are twin parts of the same experience. I’m afraid and I’m wanting things my way. Life is not meeting my expectations and I become fearful of losing control over my own situation.

In the example of being criticized, it gets a bit harder to see how my own weaknesses are involved. Digging deeper, I usually can see that fear is under most negative emotions. I’m afraid that people will find me lacking and that I’m not as wonderful as I like to think I am. The surprising fact is that if I just admit I have gross weaknesses, I begin to be ok with not being wonderful. Really, I’m not! Big deal. No one is perfect nor really wonderful. We’re all human. You know what? That is ok. The more I believe it’s ok, the less control I give to others. Fear loses its grip. Being criticized doesn’t hurt as much.

Sometimes I have to admit to dishonesty. I am dishonest with myself when I expect other people to perform the way I wish they would. They are who they are, not who I want them to be!  I find I don’t like very many people. I’m ok with that now. Even though I may not like who they really are, it hurts me less than pretending they are somehow different. It saves them untold grief, too. Setting aside my expectations on them makes it possible to have a relationship based on reality, not pretenses.

Inconsiderate is included as an option in Question 6 as a convenience. It’s not listed in the textbook section of inventory information but is alluded to afterwards, so it seems a valid choice if nothing else seems to fit.

It might be helpful to look at Step 4: Distinctions Between Selfish and Self-Seeking in AA. Don’t get bogged down in being perfect. Keep in mind that what happens with these inventories is that we are giving God the chance to enlighten us. He does the education part and then, following that, He gives us the grace to accept what we learn.