As we go through the day we pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. Pause. Oh, no. Remember I’m a sprinter? Pauses break my rhythm and make me lose my focus. They agitate me and irritate my sense of quick delivery, goal accomplishment and satisfaction of being done ahead of the deadline—well ahead.
Pause, is Bill kidding me? I have to ask why, pause? Let’s look at the AA book page 87, at the bottom of the page. Specifically, he says pause when agitated and doubtful. I don’t believe in doubt. I’m constitutionally against self-doubt. If I have it, I lie down until it goes away.
But agitated? There, I can identify. I can be agitated by the phone ringing when I’m in another world (writing). I can be agitated by having the timer go off on the oven when I’m mid-thought in a conversation. I can be agitated by the dog wanting to go out when I’m almost done with reorganizing a cupboard in the RV.
See a pattern? What agitates me is pausing! Bill is stepping on my progress here. If I pause, I may never recover the same intensity, the same thoughts or ideas, the same thread to what I’m doing. It’s like knitting (knit, knit, knit, pearl, knit, knit…) and having someone break my concentration. I’ll forget knit or pearl!
It will never be the same if I have to pause. Can’t he see what he’s asking? Can’t he…
Perhaps you’re wondering… can’t I? If I pause when agitated or doubtful, then I will risk going a different direction in my writing, having a different thread of conversation or putting things back together with a different focus. Perhaps. Maybe, after all, that’s the point.
Maybe if I can see that I’m agitated (or doubtful) I can admit that I need to slow down in my breakneck activities and take another tack. I might need to rephrase what I was going to write just now and the interruption will give me just the distance I need to be more accurate or more inspired. The same thing goes for the passionate pattern of conversation so typical of me. I might benefit from a moment of reflection before blurting. More importantly the other person might benefit from my keeping my ‘wisdom’ to myself. Maybe after pausing it might occur to me to ask for their thoughts.
I have to agree, I guess. If I’m pausing when agitated (or doubtful) and ask God for the right thought or action, everyone might benefit. I’d be eliminating a portion of self from the process and getting another perspective. More importantly, I’d be bringing His perspective to the process. Hmmm. Have to pause to think about that.