Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 2012, p 59
I’ve been noticing the difference between those who work the Steps and those who just hang around at the bottom and send up smoke signals for help. I measure the difference in serenity. Big difference.
I feel serene more of the time than not. When I’m not feeling peaceful, I can pinpoint the problem. It lies behind the fence: the Fogle Quarry. When I’m digging into the quarry of the past, I’m entering the insanity of mining my history…but why?
The Old Timers I admire avoid talking about their drinking days, their insane behavior, their war stories. They stay out of the field of memories and the wasted energy of digging up the past. I would do well to copy that.
We do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 2012, p 83.
Lately, I’m mostly able to keep my mind from trespassing into the past. Thinking on the past, for me, is just insane. With the help of God, just as Step 2 states, I have been restored from this insanity as well. I’ve worked through the issues of the past and I’ve made my amends. I know that God has forgiven me. I’ve also forgiven myself. The task of staying in the now, takes practice and was not an easy one. At this point in my recovery precious serenity is multiplied by staying in the now. No more trespassing.
Disclaimer: This post does not address emotional trauma triggered by the past that would be best handled with a qualified professional, or at least processed with a trusted friend who has the skill to keep you safe in exploring those feelings. I do not advocate avoiding emotional issues. When we want to run or escape rather than face the pain, that’s when we need to get help to battle the past. Facing the fear leads to healing. This post is a reminder to those who have done the actual mining but persist in digging after the work is done.