On my AA Birthday this year I wrote about forgiveness. That was about 6 months ago. Today I’m linking to my post because I’ve been struggling with feeling rejected and I need to forgive.
I’m fortunate because I don’t often feel rejected. Oh, I’ve been ignored, excused, ridiculed, mocked and criticized plenty, but not rejected…or maybe I just never recognized rejection when it reared its ugly head.
If rejection were a mask it would be cruel, soulless and rigid: dead eyes and a mouth locked into a sneer.
You get the idea. I’m hurt and a little frightened of this rejection. It’s immovable. No amount of charm or wit or vulnerability will ever make a whit of difference. I know. I tried. I’m a little angry with myself for trying so hard.
I have had to admit to myself that despite all appearances to the contrary, we do not belong to one another, this person and I. If I go too far down the path of self-analysis, I’ll become bitter.
But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. Alcoholics Anonymous 2011, p 86.
Time to use the prayer given to me by that lovable weird, old-timer from NE Iowa.
PS: Hey, old Dubuque Hippy! If you ever read my blog I hope you realize how much you’ve helped me! The prayer is explained in Step 4: Part 5 Forgiveness