Hemma! Hemma!

Hemma! Hemma! That’s what my brother and I used to yell when we wanted folks to hurry up. We used it with our friends at a time when other people our age were saying let’s split this joint! Perhaps there’s a reason that people have always looked askance at me. Fine.

I can’t think of another way to express how I feel about taking the Steps. The urgency of finding a solution to the alcoholic (or Al-Anon) way of thinking cannot be greater.

Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. ~AA p30

When we arrive at the AA meeting tables, most of us are at an all-time low in our lives. I found in a journal yesterday where I wrote that I could go three days at the most without drinking. The problem being, once I started I couldn’t quit until I drank myself to sleep. (I think that sounds so much more civilized than ‘passed out’, don’t you?)

We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. ~AA p 30

On a morning after, while sober, I took myself to my first AA meeting and made a decision to stop the insanity. That decision was prompted by the demoralization described in the chapter called More About Alcoholism. The current terminology is hitting bottom. Though I hit a high bottom compared to some, it was low enough to make me desperate. That bottom, to me, was incomprehensible. Each person’s experience of hitting bottom is different…but always a highly emotional event. This is the gateway to insanity.

I’ll never forget the desperation for finding a way to end my life and the realization that my life was pointless. I was praying for God to end it. Just in case He didn’t, I was desperately scheming for a way to assist in which my loved ones would not suspect I caused it. Insanity.

The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. ~AA p 30

I’ve underlined how many times the quotes from page 30 allude to the lies that we cling to.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. ~ AA p 30

Whether an alcoholic, an Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or just a Normie with a life out of control, I cannot help but urge you to do it. Take the Steps! Seriously, Hemma! Hemma!