Meditation: Part 3 Wrestling With God?

Path not obvious? Wait.

We’ve looked at the typical alcoholic motives and asking God to remove them even before praying. It’s early in the morning and our thoughts turn to the activities of the day. This is a perfect chance to avoid making the wrong decisions.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision.We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy.We don’t struggle.We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. Page 86, Alcoholics Anonymous

We don’t struggle. Don’t we? Oh. I’m just learning to take Bill at his word here. I guess he means the AA’s he was with had found over a period of time that they were not struggling and he’s advising me that I can expect the same thing.

I should likewise, not struggle. I was setting a new goal: don’t struggle.

At first I had a lot of anxiety over waiting. It seemed to me that any decision was better than no decision, even if it was wrong. By the time I found out it was wrong, I could just fix it and keep going. Isn’t that better than indecision? No.

I can give a vague example by not being too specific. This blog is about me and I can’t share some parts of my story because it’s only partly my story and I don’t want to implicate others. Sounds juicy? No. Not really.

I was between my sophomore and junior year of college working for the summer as a housekeeper at Breezy Point, near Pequot, Minnesota. Picture this: sitting on a gentle rise of the golf course next to the blacktop waiting for my dad to pick me up in the family station wagon. I’m wearing my ever-present cowboy boots and the uniform (white polyester pant suit).

I’m talking to God. No. If I’m going to be honest we were arguing.

I wanted to move ahead in my life and I was definitely getting the ‘wait’ message from Him. I remember saying, You don’t understand. I really can make this work. In fact, I can make things better by doing this because I can right a wrong this way. If I wait, it might never happen! I have to make my move.

Guess how well that turned out! I spent the next couple of decades getting out of that move and then trying to recover from all the damage that resulted.

I’m very surprised that waiting for a while works. I ask for direction and wait. I don’t struggle very much anymore. The right answers do come. Believe me… when they do, I’m not arguing with Him anymore. I take it easy. I don’t need to understand. Just obey. Learned that!