- Selfish – grab what makes me happy: greedy, possessive, stingy (think 2 year-old); generosity is the opposite.
- Self-seeking – shrinking world of the mirror, seeking only to further self, often at another’s expense (think narcissist or single child); humility is the opposite trait.
Most people I work with have the greatest difficulty with discerning how they might be dishonest when it comes to fear. Fear feeds on this dishonesty.
For example, if I need to end an abusive relationship (and I’ve had practice at this) the self-talk sounds like the following:
- No one else will help this fella so I”m responsible for him (dishonesty, fear)
- I will never find anyone to take his place in my life and I can’t survive the loneliness of being alone (fear, selfish, self-seeking)
- If I fix this person, I will feel better about myself (self-seeking, dishonest)
- I can’t face what other people will say when they find out that I’ve failed in yet another relationship (fear, dishonesty)
- We can be happy if he will just listen to my wisdom (dishonest, selfish, self-seeking)
- I made a commitment and God (or others) will never forgive me for leaving (fear, dishonesty)
You get the idea. False beliefs keep us bound in the fear, even if we are convinced we need to change. Once we start to write it down, the lies we tell ourselves are undeniable and we are astounded that we ever believed them, let alone let our lives be shaped by them.
Choose to stay in the fear — or not. If not, then finish the 4th Step Not So Scary Worksheet on Fears. You can print it from the top menu bar of any post, or use a notebook of your choosing and make your own columns.
God is doing the inventory work, through us. Don’t belabor getting this ‘right’. Just jot down what He reveals at first. When we stop to THINK too much, ego takes over and we’re listening to self again.
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